פרשת האזינו
The passuk says לה’ תגמלו זאת, עם נבל ולא חכם, הלא הוא אביך קנך… The Ramban explains that the word Nadiv is a term for somebody who gives altruistically with no thought of remuneration, whereas the term “Naval” is somebody who does evil to others even though those “others” have bestowed good upon him. The Ramban explains that in Hebrew the “Peh” is interchangeable with the “Beis”. So the term “Naval” which can be read as “Nafal” is really somebody who “falls” out of the category of being human.
This concept of being aware and grateful of what others do for us is the Midah of Hakoros Hatov. Every person has to be aware of all the goodness that is constantly bestowed upon him. In Tehilim the passuk says, עולם חסד יבנה God built the world on kindness. The commentaries explain this to mean that we could not survive as a species without the symbiotic relationship that every human being enjoys. Each and every one of us requires many other people to live, i.e. butchers, bakers, and candlestick makers. This forced interaction should generate a feeling of gratitude toward all those people that are allowing us to function.
When Yaakov is talking to Yosef in ספר בראשית the passuk saysלך נא ראה את שלום אחיך ואת שלום הצאן, to ask how your brothers are doing and how the sheep are doing? Why was Yaakov interested in the welfare of the sheep? The Midrash explains that a person has to recognize all the good that is done for him, even the benefit that he receives from his animals! One could add that if this is true toward animals, how much more is our obligation to show recognition to our fellow man, and even more so toward God!
The Chovos Halevavos explains at length the obligation that we have to see the kindness that God is constantly bestowing upon us. This is essentially the foundation to develop an understanding of the need to serve God. All a person has to do is look around at the world to develop a sense of humility in that there is no way we can repay God for the goodness He is constantly doing for us. With this sense of humility, a person will be left with no recourse but to serve God in lieu of all the kindness that has been granted him. It is brought down that every sin that is transgressed, even the accidental sins, are a result of a lack of the midah of Hakoros Hatov, for if a person were to be more appreciative of their blessings, they wouldn’t even sin accidentally. The Chovos Halevavos adds that the more a person is Makir Tov toward his creator, the better he will be able to serve Him!
Avrohom Avinu was successful in convincing people of God’s existence solely through this Midah. People would come to him to be fed and they would thank him at which time he would point out to them that it was not he who fed them, but rather God and He alone is deserving of the praise.
With this understanding, we can explain the Ramban that we quoted at the beginning. Now that we have illustrated how Hakaros Hatov is the essential element needed in Bein Adam L’chaveiro, and also Bein adam L’makom, a person who is lacking in the Midah of Hakoros Hatov, is lacking in his most fundamental human quality and is not even deserving of the title “Adam”.
R’ Chaim Shmulevitz used to say that in truth, the Midah of appreciation is a fundamental human characteristic and it is easy to realize the importance of this attribute. Nonetheless, the Torah demands that we take this Midah to a whole new level. The Midrash in reference to the story of Moshe saving the daughters of Yisro brings a parable of a man who was bit by a snake and ran to the water to immerse his feet in an attempt to save himself. While at the pool of water the man noticed a child who was drowning and saved him. The child attempted to thank the man but the man countered, it is not me who saved you but rather the snake. Similarly, the daughters of Yisro attempted to thank Moshe for saving them at which point he responded, it is not me who saved you, but rather the Egyptian who forced me to flee to here at this very moment. This Midrash illustrates how deep this attribute of Hakaros Hatov must run in us. Even though the Egyptian wasn’t remotely interested in any good coming out of his causing Moshe to leave Egypt, Moshe still fostered a sense of appreciation toward the Egyptian.
I thought to add to what R’ Chaim said, we see many examples in the Torah where not only is it noted the need to demonstrate appreciation toward other people and to animals, but even to inanimate objects!
We see that Moshe Rabeinu wasn’t willing to strike a body of water to begin the plague of blood, because he himself was hidden in water as a child, and thusly had too much appreciation toward the water to smite it. Similarly, he wasn’t willing to smite the dust because he hid in the dust after striking down the Egyptian. We see indeed to what level the Torah expects us to internalize the Midah of Hakaros Hatov.
Another point that I wanted to bring out was that we see that there is no time limit on this attribute of appreciation. The Midrash brings down that when Leah named Yehuda, she was the first person in history to give thanks to her creator. This Midrash is indeed bizarre. We know that certainly all of the forefathers fostered appreciation toward God. The Midrash can be resolved by understanding that Leah’s intent in naming her son Yehuda, was that this feeling of gratitude should remain inside of her as long as her son would live!
Similarly, we see that there is a Mitzvah of not rejecting the Egyptians if they wish to convert and marry into the Jewish nation. This is because they allowed us to live in their land. Even though the Egyptians treated us abhorrently, and the small goodness that they preformed for us was only for their own benefit, nonetheless the Torah commands us to foster a feeling of appreciation toward them even thousands of years later. We see again to what degree the Torah expects us to develop this Midah of Hakoros Hatov, and that this feeling of appreciation can never expire.
My father in law would add that one of the pitfalls which makes this midah difficult, is the fact that we all to often become accustomed to goodness which others bestow upon us to the point where we even expect them. In order to prevent this we must constantly set up reminders of the kindness which is constantly occurring around us. He would illustrate this with the story of the Meraglim who Rachav hid, thereby saving their lives. After thanking her profusely by even offering their lives for her, the verse continues by the spies commanding her to put up a red thread in her window so that they will have a sign not to forget her. This seems odd that they should forget such a monumental kindness that she preformed for them. We see from here that the spies were aware of how easy it is to become accustomed to the kindness which is preformed for us and took measures to prevent this from happening.
The month of Elul is referred to as an acronym for the verse אני לדודי ודודי לי I am to my beloved and she is to me. This verse can be explained as teaching that the quantity of gratitude and recognition that we have for God is directly proportional to the recognition that God will have for us.
May we be Zoche in this month of Elul to be successful in developing this tremendous Midah of Hakaros Hatov!