Cheshbon Hanefesh

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas Hatorah (www.bircas.org)

In Parashas Chukas (Bamidbar 21:27), the clarion call to mussar appears: “Bo’u cheshbon—make an accounting!” The accounting the verse refers to is when Sichon conquered Moav, thinking that he was building up his empire. In fact, he was simply enabling the Jews to conquer it from him (as they were not permitted to wage war against Moav. See Devarim 2:9.). Chazal (Bava Basra 78b) teach us that Sichon’s error is one that we are prone to as well. We may be working to achieve things that turn out to be illusions in the end. How can one avoid such tragic, pointless errors? Chazal derive from our parashah that we must make a cheshbon hanefesh (literally, an accounting of the soul).

The Sages explain that cheshbon hanefesh is critical to our spiritual success. The Mishnah (Avos 2:1) states that we should compare the reward of a mitzvah against what we have to lose by performing it, and the enjoyment of a sin against its impending consequences.

How are we expected to know how great the value of a mitzvah is, and how to gauge the harm caused by a sin? This information can’t be found anywhere in the Torah, and Chazal (ibid.) basically state the opposite: it isn’t possible to know the reward for mitzvos!

The Slonimer Rebbe answers that indeed, we can’t make an exact calculation. However, this much we do know: whatever benefit we can ever derive from a sin, this benefit is limited to this world. The same is true about any loss that a mitzvah may cause us. These benefits and losses are finite. Finite versus infinite is a calculation that we are indeed capable of understanding. Mitzvos create eternal, infinite bonds between us and Hashem. They lead to an ever-growing cycle of closeness to Him. Aveiros are impediments to that bond with Hashem, and they last for all eternity! Anyone who understands that closeness with Hashem is our life’s purpose can appreciate this.

In Derech Eitz Chaim, the Ramchal writes that it is very difficult to achieve perfection without a cheshbon hanefesh. If we do not give much thought to our spiritual issues, we can certainly never address them. He even says that cheshbon hanefesh is our greatest defense against the evil inclination, recommending that we devote an hour to it every day. We should remind ourselves of our goals in life and our plans to reach them. Why did we come to this world? What will we say for ourselves when our life here comes to an end?

The Ramchal adds that we can ask ourselves why Hashem had such a close connection to great people, such as our forefathers, and how we can emulate them. We can gain the potential to achieve closeness with Hashem by thinking along these lines.

Rav Reuven Fine writes that cheshbon hanefesh is essential not only for spiritual challenges, but also for all aspects of our everyday routine. People often get involved in things without asking themselves if it is Hashem’s will or not. Without checking our decisions, we run the risk of making choices that take us further away from Hashem, G-d forbid. One may not even realize the consequences of an important life decision until years later.

For instance, let us look at computer games. Most of Klal Yisrael has accepted the need to have computers in the house, though there are still holy communities that keep them out. Computers generally come with games to play already installed. Parents may see no harm in allowing their children to indulge in them, and sometimes they are right. However, in other instances, it won’t be until years later that they recognize the damage that resulted from it. Some games involve the children until they can no longer focus on their learning. Others are addictive, and the children find that they cannot break away. These result in an overall lack of enthusiasm for learning, a lowering of grades, and often much worse, G-d forbid. A bit of foresight, or consulting a rav, could have saved the parents so much heartbreak.

The same is true on a national scale. Jewish history is replete with episodes where “harmless developments” became forces that transformed the face of the Jewish community. When the era of The Enlightenment began, many saw nothing wrong with dabbling in the modern world. The gedolim of that era had the foresight to realize that many of the new movements were a threat to Torah life. The Jewish movements that supported communism, nationalism, and liberalism have been constant thorns in the side of the Torah community ever since. Each generation has its “norms” that tempt a Jew away from his purpose. Will we weather the storms of our era? The answer depends largely on our ability to make a proper cheshbon hanefesh, in conjunction with following the rulings of our rabbanim.

Many years ago, the Kaliver Rebbe came to my neighborhood to speak to a group of American yeshivah students. Though the target audience was younger than I, I too wanted to hear this great tzaddik speak. To this day, I am grateful that I had the good sense to attend. The Rebbe normally spoke in Hebrew or Yiddish, but in order to be able to reach American Yidden, he was willing to make an exception and speak English. The Rebbe talked about many things, and he concluded with a dramatic point that remained with me ever since.

The Rebbe said, “I want to tell you all a very big secret; it’s the secret to greatness.” He paused, smiling. Suddenly he cried out, “Make a cheshbon hanefesh every day!” He shared with us that he too, great as he is, needs to review his actions to avoid falling into the clutches of the evil inclination. “In fact,” continued the Rebbe, “One cheshbon hanefesh a day isn’t enough for me! That’s why I find the time to make an additional cheshbon at night!”

May we make a proper cheshbon hanefesh every day!

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