The Torah’s Remedy for Vanity

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

Tzaraas is a spiritual disease roughly translated as “leprosy.” It comes as a result of lashon hara.  One who suffers this disease is called a metzora. The metzora must dwell in solitude, far away from the population. His clothes must be torn, his hair grown wild. If anyone tries to come close to him, he must cry out: “Impure! Impure!”

The Sages (Moed Katan 5a) explain why the metzora says “impure” twice. The first is to alert people to keep away from him. The second is so that people should learn of his plight and pray that he be cured.

This form of punishment is rare. Why is it necessary for the metzora to be publicly disgraced?  Most sins do not incur this.

Rav Chaim Friedlander explains that the metzora’s punishment is not intended to embarrass him, but rather to heal the source of his spiritual illness. At the root of lashon hara is the speaker’s need to be considered better than someone else. He thought that by lowering people’s opinion of someone else, he would become elevated.

The metzora made two mistakes: Causing others to have a bad opinion of a person will not cause them to have a good opinion of the speaker. Furthermore, the metzora was wrong in feeling that his importance depends on what others think about him.

Therefore, the Torah prescribes for him a special treatment: First, stop viewing yourself as superior. Tear your clothing, let your hair grow wild, break your inclination toward vanity. Second: Isolate yourself and learn that you need other people. Solitude itself teaches the need for company. You also need others to pray for you. Just as others are helping the metzora with their prayers, so too he should aspire to return to a life where he can help others, and surely not hurt them through harmful words.

Vanity is always a mistake, even lesser forms of it that do not lead to tzara’as. The Mesilas Yesharim (22) explains that a straight-thinking person should be incapable of becoming vain. No matter how wonderful he is, he surely must know that all his good points are gifts from Hashem. Wealth is certainly a gift from Hashem. Even knowledge in Torah acquired the through toil, which the Sages describe as being truly one’s own possession (Kidushin 32b), is also clearly a gift from Hashem. The Ramchal compares the vain person to a bird who boasts that it can fly, when it is merely doing what it is programmed to do.

A vain person is in essence boasting before Hashem, as if denying that Hashem was the source of his virtues. Even one who admits that his virtues are found among others, but is vain because he uses them much more than others, is also making a mistake. Does their behavior change the fact that your virtues are gifts from Hashem? On the contrary, think about how much more you could be making use of the gifts Hashem gave you! Are you using them to the fullest?

Of course, one must have a healthy sense of self-esteem. The question is: How can we rid ourselves of vanity?

Mesilas Yesharim 23 suggests two courses of action: 1-Conditioning. Little by little, one can accustom himself to showing off less and less. Don’t let your achievements get to your head. If you know more than others, use this to help them, not to belittle them. Don’t wear the fanciest clothes, drive the fanciest car, etc. Don’t sit up front in shul, or try to stand out in any way.

The Igeres HaRamban teaches how to overcome vanity and reach the virtue of humility. The Ramban advises that one accustom himself to speaking softly at all times, even when anger seems natural or even justified. Calm, gentle speech at all times keeps a person from becoming angry. Putting this into practice trains a person to humble himself.

2-Spend time thinking about humility. One should ask himself: “Am I really better than other people? Are my good qualities reasons to believe that I am better? Isn’t everything I have from Hashem?”

Rav Wolbe suggests that a good place for contemplation about humility is in prayer. Nowhere is our dependency on Hashem more highlighted than in prayer, where we turn to Him and request health, livelihood, wisdom — everything. Thinking into the words of prayer, realizing that we need Hashem for every aspect of our lives, can help us reach humility.

The Sages provide many statements that can teach us humility. “Know where you come from, from a fetid drop, and where you are going, to a place of worms [the grave], and before Whom you will have to give an accounting” (Avos 3). The Sages are first reminding us that we are lowly, material beings destined to decay in the ground, and we will have to give an accounting in the future not only for sins but also for attitudes. How could we have been vain? How will we be able to stand before the Almighty and testify about this?

The Chasam Sofer would tell his talmidim: “What will we be able to say when we come to the Next World? We will be asked: Did you learn Shas? Do you know Shas? Poskim?

“What will we answer? That we tried but we weren’t able? But then we will be asked: Did you fulfill mitzvos properly? Did you serve Hashem the way you should have?

“We will try to claim that we were weak, that we lacked the strength for this, but this is only true if a person was not vain in his lifetime. A vain person, however, will not be able to make such a claim. If he held so highly of himself and his abilities, why didn’t he channel them more into Torah?”

May we be zoche to overcome vanity!