Parshas Vayigash
As Yosef Hatzaddik uttered the shocking words “Ani Yosef,” a feeling of horror and embarrassment descended upon his brothers, rendering them absolutely speechless. With the phrase “Oy lanu miyom hadin, oy lanu miyom hatochachah – woe is to us on the day of judgment, woe is to us on the day of rebuke,” the midrash compares the brothers’ terror to the dread every human is destined to experience when reprimanded, at death, for his sins “l’fi mah shehu – according to what it is.”
Aside from the difficulty presented by the seemingly extraneous words “l’fi mah shehu,” one is immediately struck by a second question. To be rather blunt, the entire comparison appears unnecessary. There exist very few human beings unfamiliar with the discomfort of facing-up to even a minor wrongdoing. Indeed, the fact that a person would feel ashamed when standing in judgment before the Ribono Shel Olam strikes as nothing short of obvious.
Rav Reuven Fine, zt”l, explains that the brothers’ reunion with Yosef presented a unique parallel to the judgment awaiting every human being in the beis din shel ma’alah. Unlike most instances in which a person is admonished for a recognized wrongdoing, the shevatim were not being reprimanded for an aveirah which they had knowingly performed. The brothers had believed that Yosef was a rasha. They had disregarded his prophetic dreams as total fantasy and had held an actual din Torah in which they ruled that Yosef was a rodef (murderer) and was chayav misah. In fact, Rav Fine infers from the pesukim that, following the discovery of Yosef’s goblet in the sack of Binyamin, the shevatim had performed a sincere bout of soul-searching and had failed discovered any iniquity. Apparently, the brothers were not at all plagued by second-guessing with regard to the sale of Yosef, and fully believed that they had not performed any sin during the entire episode. Yet, in one moment, they were forced to recognize that their confident stance on the affair had been completely erroneous. Yosef’s “fanciful” dreams of royalty had been shown as prophecy and every action they had performed with regard to Yosef had been revealed as entirely incorrect. As demonstrated by Rav Fine to be an exceptionally precise comparison, in addition to meting out retribution for every instance in which a person performs recognized aveiros, the beis din shel ma’alah holds one fully accountable even for improper actions which are mistakenly judged as acceptable. Indeed, even when we perform a mitzvah, G-d holds us responsible for every small streak of sin we unknowingly intertwine with the otherwise worthy act.
In addition, this resolves the difficulty presented by the midrash’s words “l’fi mah shehu – according to what it is.” Perhaps the midrash is explaining that we will be judged in heaven according to the reality of our acts. We will be judged not according to our grasp of the worth of our acts, but according to the absolutely impartial understanding of Hakadosh Baruch Hu himself – “l’fi mah shehu: according to what it [the act] really is.”
In the first perek of Mesillas Yesharim, Rav Moshe Chaim Luzzato recommends that every person set aside time to reflect upon the genuine worth of his deeds. Indeed, when performing a misdeed, it occurs too often that one erroneously judges the act to be wholly proper. Without careful contemplation, one stands no chance of correctly evaluating his actions.
In addition to this, Rav Fine suggests focusing both on the severity of a sin itself and on the absolute brazenness demonstrated through its performance. Perhaps, due to this heightened realization of the horror of performing a sin, we will begin to exercise greater caution in our actions.
The gemara (Yevamos, 105b) records a story which underscores the severity of iniquity to an almost shocking degree. Due to the tremendous crowding of the lecture-hall, there was a certain chacham who was forced to step so closely about his students that it appeared as though he was actually stepping upon them. In retribution for this seemingly minor lack of sensitivity towards his fellow man, he became inflicted with tzara’as, his two sons passed away, and his daughters-in-law perform mi’un. Incredibly, the gemara even considered him lucky to have experienced yissurim in olam hazeh, rather than being forced to suffer in gehennim. Let us truly attempt to comprehend the severity of our aveiros.
Furthermore, Rav Aryeh Finkel, shlit”a, cites the Nefesh Hachaim who speculates that many people allow their strengths to lie dormant for decades without ever realizing their true abilities. We must recognize that Hakadosh Baruch Hu will hold us accountable not only against the backdrop of what we assume to be our potential but against what He deems as our true potential.
In Rav Shach’s later years, on a swelteringly hot summer day, the air conditioner in Yeshivas Ponovezh broke. Although Rav Shach generally remained in the building to speak with his talmidim in learning, Rav Moshe Yungreis convinced Rav Shach to return to his cool apartment, reassuring the rosh yeshiva that he would send the bachurim to his home. However, after several minutes, Rav Shach returned to the beis midrash, and, when questioned by Rav Yungreis about his change of heart, Rav Shach answered that he chanced to arrive before the beis din shel ma’alah at any second. He explained that the heavenly court would begin their interrogation by inquiring from where he was coming. Rav Shach explained that he was simply worried that the answer he would be forced to give would not be accepted in shamayim. Indeed, we must constantly attempt to keep the strictness of G-d’s judgment at the forefront of our minds.
May we be zoche to the insight necessary to correctly evaluate our actions and may we be zoche to perform only acts which are truly worthy.