Holding Everything Together

By Rabbi Moshe Krieger, Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah (www.bircas.org)

Parshas Be’haaloscha opens with Hashem commanding Aharon to light the Menorah. Rashi (Bamidbar 8:2) immediately asks: why is the lighting of the Menorah placed right here, immediately after the donations of the Nesiim for the Mishkan? Is there a connection?

Rashi explains that Aharon saw all the Nesiim bring their offerings and felt bad — neither he nor his tribe had brought anything. Hashem responded: “Yours is greater than all of theirs. You are lighting the Menorah.” This answer leaves us with a question. Why specifically the Menorah? Hashem could have told Aharon: you bring korbanos — that is far greater than the Nesiim’s donations! Or: you bring the ketores — the most beloved offering, something no one else can do!

The Ramban actually raises this very question on Rashi. To answer it, Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz explains that the Menorah has something unique that none of those other privileges have. Lighting the Menorah is an act of hakaras hatov — gratitude to Hashem.

Hashem had led the Jewish people through the entire desert, giving them light. Now they were, in turn, making light for Him in the Mishkan. Of course Hashem doesn’t need their light —it’s just a gesture. It says: You gave us so much. We want to give something back. Rav Chaim Shmuelevitz brings a midrash (Bamidbar Rabbah 15:5) that captures this beautifully. A sighted person led a blind man the entire way, guiding him through every step. When they arrived, the sighted person asked the blind man to light a candle for him. The blind man might wonder: why would he need my candle? But that is the point — it’s a way of paying back the kindness. This is what the Menorah represents: Klal Yisrael’s response to all the light Hashem gave them.

Why is hakaras hatov so fundamental? The Ramban at the end of Parshas Bo writes that the entire purpose of creation is that a person should show gratitude to the Ribbono Shel Olam. The Chovos Halevavos (Shaar Avodas HaElokim) says that gratitude is the very foundation of all avodas Hashem. The more a person feels the good Hashem has given him, the more motivated he will be to serve Him. If he doesn’t feel that good — slowly, without noticing, he drifts. Without gratitude underneath, the whole avodah has nothing holding it up.

It’s not only about our relationship with Hashem. Rav Wolbe writes that the whole foundation of any relationship between people is hakaras hatov. When you show someone that you appreciate what they’ve done for you, it builds the bond. In a marriage, a family, a close friendship — what holds everything together over the long term is the gratitude that flows between people. Without it, even strong relationships erode.

Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer adds another dimension: whoever does not show gratitude to a friend will not show gratitude to Hashem either. Gratitude is one middah. It doesn’t split into compartments. If a person can’t feel gratitude toward someone who has done good for him right in front of his eyes, he will not feel it toward Hashem either. The reverse is also true: work on it with people, and it will flow toward Hashem as well.

The kohanim lit the Menorah every day because hakaras hatov is not a one-time insight. It has to be renewed constantly. Every day we have to actively remind ourselves how much Hashem has given us. We have to strengthen ourselves daily.

The challenge is that people get used to things. What once felt like a gift starts feeling like a given. A person wakes up, can see, can walk, has food — and thinks: of course. That’s just life. Or worse, he thinks kochi ve’otzem yadi — my own hands built this. A person has to fight this tendency constantly. Look around. How many people don’t have good health? How many people throughout history didn’t even have bread to eat? Everything we have is a matanah — a gift from Hashem. Nothing is owed to us. We should thank Hashem wholeheartedly. When Rav Scheinberg reached Modim in Shmonei Esrei he would burst out crying on how much he needed to thank Hashem for all that Hashem is giving him.

The Torah gives us a powerful expression of hakaras hatov through the mitzvah of bikurim — first fruits. A farmer plants his field, tends it through the entire season, and when the first fruits appear, he brings them to the Beis HaMikdash reciting an entire parsha of thanks to Hashem in a lavish joyful ceremony. The question is obvious: all this for a few fruits? Maybe it was a difficult year. Maybe there weren’t many fruits.  Still those fruits are Hashem’s gift to us and we must show gratitude. If a person goes through that ceremony for a handful of figs, how much hakaras hatov does he owe for everything else in his life?

We also see a great example of hakaras hatov from Leah. When her fourth son was born, she named him Yehudah — from the word for thanks. Rashi (Bereishis 29:35) explains: kibalti yoter m’chelki — “I received more than my portion.” She knew she had gotten more than what was coming to her, and that awareness moved her to express extra gratitude. Rav Shlomo Wolbe points out: maybe everything we have right now is more than our portion. Maybe our children, our health, our Torah learning — all of it is beyond what we strictly deserve. If so, our obligation of  hakaras hatov  to Hashem is endless.

Rav Avigdor Miller used to teach that to reach real hakaras hatov, a person first has to train himself to feel happy with what he has. He should not compare himself to others and feel that he is lacking. He should stop and think about all the amazing gifts that Hashem has given him, and feel such tremendous simcha. Only once that happiness is there he can give Hashem true gratitude. When a person reaches real simcha his gratitude to Hashem is complete.

One more thing: it’s not enough to feel gratitude — you have to express it. Say the words. To your wife, your friend, your coworker. Do something to show it. Buy a small gift. Go out of your way to help. The Gemara (Yevamos 63a) tells us that Rav Chiya used to regularly bring presents for his wife, even though she often made life difficult for him. When Rebbe questioned him, Rav Chiya answered: she raises my children, she protects me from sin — that’s enough for me. I’m always trying to pay her back. We should look at the people around us the same way: find what they give us, even if it seems small, and find ways to show them respect and appreciation.

Rav Zilberstein told a story about a wealthy man who lived in a large building in the center of a city. One day, people saw him carrying out the garbage himself. He explained that there was a strike, and no collectors were coming — so he was taking it out himself, even loading it into his new car, so the other residents wouldn’t suffer. When pressed for why he was going so far out of his way, he said simply: “I’ve lived here for twenty years. So many people have done little things for me. I want to show them somehow that I appreciate it. This is my way.”

May we be zocheh to strengthen this fundamental middah of hakaras hatov.