Chukas 5775
“This is the Torah, a man who dies in a tent, all who come into the tent and all that is in the tent is impure for seven days.” Chazal saw in this verse a hint to a principle concerning Torah study. “The Torah cannot take root within a person unless he ‘kills himself over it'” (Brachos 63a).
We can only wonder: Why is this so? Why should it be necessary for a person to kill himself over the Torah in order to fully acquire it, and also: how literally should this be taken? Clearly not suicide, which is forbidden, but what do Chazal mean? Could it be that even the “masmid,” the one who never wastes a moment of his morning, afternoon and night seder, is to be faulted for not “killing himself” enough over Torah?
The Maharal (Derech Chaim 6:5) explains that Torah is pure, abstract wisdom, unconnected to anything physical or material. Therefore, it cannot take hold in a body that is drawn to physicality. This is what a would-be Torah student must overcome — he must “kill” the tendency he has toward gashmius.
We should clarify that Chazal are not speaking here about simply being able to learn Torah. This is possible even for a person who has not yet vanquished his taavos. Chazal stress that in order that the Torah truly be part of a person, he must kill his materialistic leanings. The Maharal notes that it is unnatural (i.e., miraculous) that we can have a connection to Torah at all, as it is pure, abstract wisdom (or in our words, “spirituality”). That Torah should truly take hold in us requires extreme efforts to go against our physical nature.
The Maharal goes on to clarify that “killing oneself” over Torah does not mean that one weaken himself by unbearable abstinence and fasting, rather one gives himself what he needs to live and refrains from pursuing his desires. This is a way to build oneself spiritually, as Tosafos (Kesubos 104a) cite from a Medrash: “Before praying that divrei Torah enter his body, he should pray that delicacies not enter his body.” Meaning, don’t starve yourself, control yourself so that you can connect to Torah.
When enumerating the ways needed to acquire the Torah, Chazal list (Pirkei Avos 6) “minimizing sleep, minimizing conversation, minimizing business, minimizing laughter, minimizing enjoyment, etc.” The Midrash Shmuel points out that Chazal spoke only of minimizing such activities, not eliminating them entirely, in recognition of the fact that the body does need these things at some level. Even a small measure of laughter is not an extra. The Talmud records that certain sages began their shiur with a joke (Shabbos 30b), in order that the words of Torah enter the talmidim’s hearts. However, once they began the actual Talmudic analysis, the shiur proceeded “in fear,” as the Talmud describes.
Another form of kinyan listed by the Mishna that is connected to the idea of “killing oneself” for Torah is that of kabalas yissurim, acceptance of suffering. The Midrash Shmuel clarifies that one may not necessarily have to endure yissurim. Rather, one must be prepared to withstand hardships and persist in his learning because he wants to acquire Torah. When difficulties arise in areas of health, shalom bayis or parnassah, we must recall that these are not blanket exemptions from Torah study. Rather, these are our chance to really “kill ourselves” for the Torah, persisting in our learning sedarim, while of course not ignoring the problem. Through this our connection to Torah grows.
It could be that our hardships are in fact a blessing in disguise. The Gemara (Sotah 49a) says that “Hashem hears the prayers of one who learns amid hardships,” because his persistence in learning brings him very close to Hashem. Rav Acha adds that while the body usually distances a person from Hashem, for this person not, because his learning despite his difficulties is a negation of his physicality. Rebbi Avahu adds that not only is there no separation between him and Hashem, such a person is in Hashem’s place and therefore “greets the Shechina.” Perhaps our persistence in Torah study despite yissurim is Hashem’s way of elevating us to these exalted spiritual levels, which learning amid comfort would never have achieved?
Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel, Rosh Yeshivas Mir-Yerushalayim, was a living example of one who “killed himself” over the Torah. Talmidim recall that as he was struggling with Parkinson’s Disease, he would deliver impeccably prepared shiurim as his whole body was shaking and his hands were behind his back, gripping his chair with all his strength to keep himself still. “The ahavas Torah that he displayed in those shiurim was of a level that no one else could impart,” his talmidim recall.
One talmid recalls how Rav Finkel once struggled to muster the strength to give a shiur, but could not. He was so weak that he could not raise his voice, not even to a whisper. He tried and tried and after more than a dozen attempts, he realized that he would not be saying shiur that day. One of those present, noticing that Rav Finkel seemed upset, stood up and declared: “The Rebbe wanted to say the shiur that he prepared, but instead we received the greatest shiur possible on mesirus nefesh for Torah.”
May we be zocheh to “kill ourselves” for the Torah!