Parshas Ki Seitzei 5775
In this’s weeks parsha we are commanded not to accept converts from the nations of Ammon and Moav. Two reasons are given: 1- They did not greet us with food and drink when we came to their region before entering Eretz Yisrael. 2- They hired Bilaam ben Be’or to annihilate us by means of a curse.
The question is: The reasons seem to be out of order. By hiring Bilaam, the Moabites sought to kill us. Isn’t murder a worse crime than not being hospitable?
Moreover, it states in Vayikra Rabba (34:8) that Moav and Ammon are condemned for failing to bring food and drink “to those who did not need food and drink.” Meaning, the Jews were able to subsist on the mann, and the well of Miriam, and in fact had no need of any hospitality. If so, the question is much stronger: how can Ammon and Moav’s failure to make a polite, if unnecessary, gesture of offering food and drink be mentioned before a plot of murder?
Rav Yaakov Neiman (in Darchei Mussar) explains that this sin is mentioned first to teach us that their wickedness in hiring Bilaam against us did not simply crop up out of nowhere. It had its roots in the first sin that was mentioned. Failing to greet a travel-weary people with food and drink constitutes an elementary lack of derech eretz (proper, decent behavior). What may seem to us as nothing more than a small lack of politeness can in fact develop into the most severe sins a man can commit.
In Pirkei Avos (3), we learn that “if there is no derech eretz, there is no Torah.” Rabbeinu Yonah explains that one who lacks derech eretz is incapable of connecting to Torah. Here we see further that a lack of derech eretz can gradually make a person into a criminal, even a murderer.
This helps to explain a mysterious story about the Alter of Slobodka.
Once, Rav Isser Zalman Meltzer sent a group of his talmidim from Eitz Chaim to the Alter of Slobodka (when the two were in Yerushalayim). Afterwards, he asked the Alter’s opinion of the bachurim. When the Alter answered that they were fine boys, Rav Meltzer asked about a specific bachur whom he knew to be exceptionally gifted in learning.
“Him? Nothing good will come out of him.”
Rav Isser Zalman was taken aback.
“Nothing? What happened? What did you see?” he asked.
“I saw a lack of derech eretz,” explained the Alter. “As we were talking, some sugar fell from a bowl onto the table, and he poked into the sugar with his finger and put his finger to his mouth.”
Rav Isser Zalman made sure to keep track of this bachur, who eventually married and became Rav of a city. Only, at some point he left this position for lack of parnassa and became a lawyer. Much later, he was arrested on a charge of forgery and spent the last years of his life in jail.
So far, we’ve spoken only about the potential harm in lack of derech eretz. We can perhaps extend this idea to all sins that impact negatively on our fellow man; they too can have tremendous effect on a person and bring him to severe sins. However, we can infer from the wording of the Rambam (Laws of Teshuva 7:3) that all faulty traits of character (even those that seem to have no bearing on our fellow-man) bring harm upon a person, and can even ruin him to the core.
The Rambam admonishes: “Don’t say that repentance only applies for sins that entail an action … rather, just as one must repent from such sins, so too he must search out his bad modes of thought and repent from anger, from hatred and from jealousy and from light-headedness and pursuit of money, honor and pursuit of foods and the like — everything requires teshuva, and these sins are harder than the ones that entail an action, because when a man is mired in these, it is hard for him to break away from them, and so it states: “Let the evil person abandon his way.”
When the Rambam refers to a bad midda as a “way” (derech), this should give us pause. A person who yields to feelings of jealousy or pursuit of honor may consider himself to be fully b’derech HaTorah, only he has a certain shortcoming. By calling the bad midda aderech, the Rambam is implying that such a person is in fact guided not by the Torah, but by his jealousy, or pursuit of honor. This is now his “derech,” his way of life. As a derech,jealousy can now lead him to still worse sins, but the main lesson is: One who is smitten with jealousy is not going on the Torah’s path in life, but rather his own, and at his own risk.
The Yeshiva of Kelm was known for its intense avodas hamiddos year-round. Particularly in Elul, the mashgiach pushed the bachurim to identify the specific midda that they needed to work on. This, with the knowledge that correcting bad deeds while leaving the midda intact is not a solution. To do so, he would speak about various bad middos, describing their far-reaching effects and how they could find expression in people’s behavior. Helping the bachurim identify which midda was the one they needed to work on was the first step toward proper teshuva.
Of note is that amid the intense avodas hamiddos in Elul in Kelm, extra emphasis was placed on derech eretz, particularly on greeting one’s fellowman with a pleasant countenance (sever panim yafos). With such intense, at times excruciating, self-examination underway, people were liable to become exacting with others as well, or wrapped up in their own world. The emphasis on sever panim yafos worked to counterbalance this.
May we be zoche to identify our bad middos and correct them!
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