פרשת כי תצא
In this week’s parsha, we discuss the case of the “Ben Sorrer U’Moreh”—the rebellious son. In order to be convicted, this young man needs to be just over the age of Bar Mitzvah, steal from his father a certain amount of meat and Italian wine, consume it in another location, have both of his parents willingly turn him over to Beis Din, get whipped, then repeat the act, and then have another court hearing presided over by the Sanhedrin, which would ultimately decide his fate. In addition to this, there are other conditions expounded upon in the gemara, making the chances of such a case actually happening very improbable. Indeed the gemara in Sanhedrin 71a says that no one was ever actually convicted as a Ben Sorrer U’Moreh. So why does the Torah enumerate this law? Chazal teach us that Hashem gave us this parsha so that we may “delve into it and receive reward.” However, we still have to ask: What’s the point in that? There are so many other parshas which we can delve into and receive reward for that are also applicable to us! Why should we delve here? The Ramban writes that we should look at every piece of Torah we learn to see how it applies to us and implement the lessons we learn in our everyday lives. But this is a dead end!!!
Rav Aharon Kotler says there indeed is a powerful message for those who delve into the subject of the Ben Sorrer U’Moreh on a deeper level. If we pay close attention to the story of this brazen youth, we will realize that one doesn’t become deserving of the punishment of a Ben Sorrer U’Moreh in one day. The mishna says that a Ben Sorrer U’Moreh is sentenced to death because of where he’s heading in life. Rav Ovadia M’Bartenura explains that by fulfilling the conditions necessary to define him as a Ben Sorrer U’Moreh, this boy became accustomed to shaking off the yoke of self-restraint, stealing even from his own father. Through excessive eating and drinking, he also develops into a person who could rightfully be called a glutton who knows no limits. Once a person actually becomes a Ben Sorrer U’Moreh, the Torah itself is testifying that he has reached a point of no return. Certainly, as soon as his father no longer has the money to support his gluttonous lifestyle, he will devise other ways to fulfill his desires, ultimately becoming a criminal who ransacks the general populace. Says the Torah: “Let him die innocent and not guilty.” From this we can learn just how far habit can take a person. Seemingly, it can even take away a person’s ability to change and lead him to even worse things! Similarly, take for instance a person who becomes engrossed in making money. As he constantly strives to “succeed”, he may end up doing things the Torah clearly prohibits like lying, cheating, and even stealing. Such behavior, after becoming so second-nature, can even become involuntary and the individual will barely be conscious of the fact that what he’s doing is wrong. Rav Kotler continues to say that because of the threat that habit presents, a person must act early in order to change his ways. The best time to do this is when one is privileged to be in yeshiva. With the power of Torah and Mussar, the yeshiva is designed to help one break his negative habits and also to develop new healthy behaviors which can guide him throughout the rest of his life. One is also surrounded by kedusha and others who strive for similar lofty goals. If one cannot break his habits in yeshiva, the hope of being able to reverse his ways is certainly bleaker after he goes out into “the real world.” Habit is such a strong force. The best chance we have to change ourselves is when we are in yeshiva.
The Rambam writes in the 7th chapter of Hilchos Teshuva that just as a person must do teshuva for his sins, so too a person must do teshuva for his midos and the negative ways to which he has become accustomed. The Rambam brings the examples of anger, jealousy, arrogance, competition, joking around, and pursuing physical pleasure as issues that deserve a great deal of attention, since doing teshuva for them is
harder than for most sins. Being that Elul is a special time for teshuva, there is no better time to get serious about change than now. So how should we start? Rav Yisrael Salanter emphasized that it’s very uncommon for a person to be able to completely change in a day. For most of us, gradual change by taking little steps is really the best form of growth. To take big jumps and commit to standards that are not yet within our reach is, frankly, ineffective. Although temporarily inspiring, such drastic changes usually fizzle and dissipate after a short time and we are right back where we started. If we can find little changes that we can actually take upon ourselves and implement, even in a short amount of time we can see incredible results.
Rav Yechezkel Levinshtein, however, has a special piece of advice for those who do indeed want to change fast and make the necessary improvements for a complete teshuva. He cites Rabbeinu Yona, who writes in Shaarei Teshuva Shaar 2:3 that a quick path to teshuva is for one to get himself a “mochiach”, a personal rebuker. In earlier times, people actually were paid to go around rebuking others! These mochichim were superb in their profession and shook people up, leading many to abandon their old ways. Says Rav Levinshtein, today we don’t have professional rebukers, but there still are ways to shock ourselves into teshuva. If one gets a good mussar sefer or reads the rebuke of the Prophets and takes the message seriously, as if it was personally meant for him, he will be greatly aroused to do something about his situation. Immediately, one should seize that moment of inspiration and resolve to completely change. That momentary shift in consciousness can allow a person to make commitments that in his normal state would seem impossible. Those of us in the yeshiva are also fortunate to have another resource for rebuke. Our Rabbaim, especially the Mashgiach, are on top of us all the time, constantly pushing us to grow. If one takes the mussar seriously, he can become a new person on the spot and surely Hashem will help him in this endeavor. Although habit is a powerful force, it’s important to know that the more spiritual a person becomes, the less grip his routines have on him. Although some habits become like involuntary reflexes, many habits continue just because we are afraid of change and giving up what we are used to. To cut out parts of our life is scary for us. However, if we focus more on Hashem, we can learn to let go and conquer many of the issues we struggle with. We can even reach levels we could never have dreamt of reaching before. There is a story told of Rav Moshe Feinstein, who once attended an event where he found out that the Kashrus was not so reliable. Meanwhile, everyone was busy milling around the table, eating the sweets at the buffet. The host, seeing that the Rabbi was not bothering to take anything, asked if something was wrong. Surely, the Rabbi would want to eat something! The host pressed Rav Moshe to at least eat a piece of cake; he didn’t want him to starve. Said Rav Moshe, “I’m sorry, I don’t eat cake.” The host expressed his apologies, but then left Rav Moshe alone. However, in the past, Rav Moshe had indeed enjoyed cake. Now that he had no other way to reply other than to hurt the host’s feelings, he took upon himself a vow never to eat cake again! In one split second, Rav Moshe Feinstein stopped cake-eating for the rest of his life. For him, giving up cake wasn’t the end of the world.
May Hashem give us the strength we need to break all of our bad habits!!!